Wow...

Not sure how I feel about this, but I guess it's an interesting gesture of apology.

Just getting back

I had a small, running journal of things I found funny at Chicago. Lot's of unpacking to do to get to the notified, so that'll have to wait until the morning. That makes two years in a row I was in the city that would win the world series. I think I'll make it a point to be in Montreal just to stick it to Bud Selig.

A Sample Conversation:

I'm new here! And I'm happy to be apart from this trip. And what do you do? Oh, you're from Overland Park, Kansas? But I asked you what you d--oh, Sales? Of course! That's great! Yes, that's Rasheed,'s my name. Two E's. Me? I'm from Boston, and I was hired as one of the college hires. Been struggling, but I'm hanging in there, y'know! (Punch fist in air.) What college? Oh Harvard (sheepish grin). Yeah, my boss went there too? What are we doing in Insurance? That's a question I ask myself every day. Usually the answer is that my dot.com went belly-up, I landed in jail, and now I'm serving probation. No that's not true. I never went to jail.

//A Sample Conversation.

Listened to a great motivational speaker (I'm successful, and you can CHOOSE to be too!), met some cool people, hung out with some friends, complained about business, and let resolved that I was NOT going to be fired in '05 or '06, and that I'll actually have a good year. And that I'll stop trying to look people's down blouses (especially men's).

The airplane ride was interesting, both ways, and the music on the plane was cool. I love "Sly and the Family Stone" and "Ray Charles." Also the "Inside the Actor's Studio" version of Russell Crowe was great. After listening to him explain the amount of detail and concern he puts into his craft, I now the highest respect for him as an actor. I really think he's underrated, as hard as that may seem, and unlike other "stars" who appear on that show, he's one of the few who lifts the curtain a little, and shows that his success is from hard work and not luck on uncanny good looks. From the 15-20 minute clip they showed, Crowe never treated the audience of students like fans, but rather colleagues who maybe needed some extra advice or career counseling. Of course there were a few "showbiz" anecdotes, but he actually seemed nervous and humble, even differential, to the audience because they were trained actors, and he had to learn through trial and error.

Enough with the man-miration for Russell Crowe.

Now I have to tackle a few things: sleep, my room, my netflix queue ("A Sea Inside" instead of "Kung Fu Hustle?!" Why do I share this with my girlfriend!!!)

Good night!

Leaving..on a jet plane (clap), don't know when I'll be back again

Going to this hotel for a corporate "kick off" party. Come back on Friday night. I'll have more details on all the fun in the windy city of Chicago when I get back, even though we'll be at least an hour form the city in the suburb of Itasca. Great.

Peace.

Sample show feed back.

Dad: Yeah, Rasheed's always like to tell these jokes. And they're not funny!
Kate: i think they're funny!
Dad: Nope, they're not funny. And he's always telling them...
Dad: Well, at least he's doing something he likes.

Person A: That skit you wrote about that professor...
Me: Oh, "Press Conference," the one with Professor Ives?
Person A: Yeah, that's not funny.
Me: Oh?
Person A: Yeah, I don't get it. It doesn't make sense.
Me: What, it's about a time traveling professor giving her final press conference. But instead she kills herself.
Person A: Yeah, that's not funny. It's just confusing.
Me: Sigh, I'll rewrite it.

Woooo...yeah!

Batman Begins is here! WOOO!!!

Does anyone know how to get the "email your blog" thing working? I still can't figure it out.

Also, what if I put ads on my blog? Or, started a new blog just with ads?

What's been happening in your neck of the woods?

No, seriously. What's been happening in your neck of the woods?

As always, check out JoMilkman and Jack Graham's website this week. Then check out a few others, like Somms and maybe even Angry's. Angry and I are big 007 fans, and share the same reaction the recent news, or rather "snooze."

Also Hubba-Hubba Sharon from work suggests these websites:

www.homestarrunner.com

www.Realultimatepower.net

Take two "Slyvania's" and call me in the morning.

This cold's killing me. I feel like taking a sledgehammer (Peter Gabriel: I WANNA BE…YOUR SLEDGE HAMMER!), to my sinus to relieve some pressure. I've also been wearing two to three extra layers to minimize the shakes and reduce my headache (fever? I'm not putting a thermo' up my butt to check).

This cold has been leaving me a bit frustrated and irritated. (Trying to hold off from making black-Baptist-preacher-like combination of words. Ohhh….rational side losing. ARGH! Can't hold out for long…)

I'm feeling fustigated. Irritrated, first-rate irritatrate mustargated. Ahh..much better. Thank you Rev. Al Sharpton. (Momma always said I would make a good preacher.)

At work, a client called me back with a question. I answered off the top of my head. I was close, maybe 90% accurate. Not happy with my answer, I did some research, and got back to the client. He was a bit upset that, and snapped at me, probably because they don't have time for me. Me? I was a bit taken aback, and really had to catch myself before I went off the precipice and told him that I was only trying to save him a phone call because I did it for him. Rather than do anything, I just told him to have a nice day and then I hung up the phone. See, you have to constantly smile that crap-eating grin in politics and sales and just take the slings and arrows. But then again, I truly love people so it's a job-related hazard I guess. Then again, loving people, usually means you're empathic, making you more sensitive and susceptible to people's impolite quirks. The French have a phrase for it: "Such is life." (Roughly translated from my "Japanese-Spanish" dictionary.)

Sunday's BTC show

Sunday Bragging to Children had a wonderful show. More comfortable on stage, despite my fatness, I didn't flub any lines, and I didn't do anything terribly out of character. Okay, there was one time when I smelled my belly-button for laughs; but this time when I dry humped someone it was part of the show. That of course implies that I've dried hump people out of context: I don't remember if I haven't, but I just want to qualify it in case I have.

A friend from Weymouth (spelling?) stopped by with her family and sat next to my hubba-hubba. My dad and two sis's came, but mom stayed away because she wasn't feeling too good (and I think she was worried about what I would do on stage to get a laugh.) Also in attendance was Topper Carey, TV producer extraordinaire ("Martin" and numerous PBS specials). Another guest in the audience was castmemeberSusan's (sic) former teacher, James Murray, who happened to be a casting director for SNL. Wow. Good thing I didn't realize how much clout we were performing in front of, or else I would have performed badly. It was also a GREAT thing to observe the audience's reaction to jokes I wrote in the skit, or came up with in rehearsal. I'm actually, for lack of a better term, "Decently funny." Or, at least I register a, "meh," in the funny circle of life.

I wish I could make this up

...

SO! On my drive in today, I went to a local donut chain to get me something that'll wake me up, because for some reason, I woke up today with drool on my cheek and my eyelids hanging down to the bunion on my toe. So, the cost comes out to $1 and some change, right? But you don't want to put the dollar down in the dude's hand first because the change may roll of the dollar bill on to the ground and then you have to back up and drive forward until you can get your car door wide enough to pick up the change. So I give him the change first. But the dollar is lodged in between my fingers on the same hand I plopped the change down with. So, you can CLEARLY see, that there's a dollar still attached to my hand.

The look on his face was unbelievable. He looked and sounded like Rowan Atkins (Mr. Bean), when he played a guy with a thick South-European accent in "Rat Race".

"But you only gave me change, where's the dollar?"
"Dude, right here."
"But why did you only give me change?"
"Dude, right here! The dollar's in my hand."
"But it's $1 and some change."

His voice quivered and I thought he was going to cry. I mean, he was REALLY disappointed to look down and see that he's missing a dollar. In his other hand, he was holding what I wanted. Just take the dollar and give it to me! End of transaction, and you can go and cry into your new Marcia Cook book. Take my dollar!

"Dude, I know, here's the dollar."

At this point my hand was getting tired so I started waving it back and forth. Eventually, he rolled his eyes and took the dollar. And then I drove off.

I was going to make up a better ending to this, but the guy's despondent face over the fact that I gave him the change before the dollar (EVEN THOUGH THE DOLLAR AND THE CHANGE CAME FROM THE SAME HAND!) is plenty funny to me.

So, you make up a funnier ending! >!-[


Then I'll bite* it and bring it to stage.

*biter - BYE-TUH-RRR: Slang Someone who steals other people's art work and presents it as his own. Or just plain steals. Whatever, I stole this word from a hip-hop song a long time ago.

105 posts?

Wow...I burned through 100 posts without saying something. Wow.

I also forgot to mention that Saturday's party was a joint party for both and Jesse. For forgetting to mention that, I was going to say, "Here you go Jesse, a present for you," and post a ton of pictures of swimsuit models, but my gf stopped me. Sigh.

=)

My Show

Another BTC show this coming Sunday at 7pm at the Improv Boston in Inman Square.

New cast, new show! It's going to be Off the Chiz-nain.

Please check out these websites for more information:

Bragging To Children

Improv Boston

Let's do this right

A big Cool Hand Happy Birthday goes to JoMilkman! Big ups to turning 26 today baby!

(And to anyone else's birthday I may have missed.)

This past Saturday I was invited to a nice get together for Jon's behalf. Great talking to some cool people, admittedly mostly Elliott, that night. Met a couple of really beautiful ladies. This brings me to the subject of this blog.

I mentioned this to Cool Hand Kate (that's your name, get over it), but ever since we started dating, like I'm meeting all these interesting and beautiful women. I think having a girlfriend creates some intangible aura (like aura's are wont to do), that attracts other women. It makes you safe. Jon thinks its that you're no longer seen as a predator, just a normal human being they can kick it with.

For example, at Jon's party, Elliott left, probably because he had enough of me bluffing like I knew everything, and then bored, I started to introduce myself to people. The standard, "hi, who are you, where are you from?" I ended up standing next to a, by all means, a hot chick. She said her name was, (What was it again Jon?) and that she was from Worcester. (Oh by the way, she said she was interested in Improv, her and that Matt guy who had her convinced we worked on the Manhattan project. So can you pass along my website and braggingtochildren.com? Thanks!)

Perking up, I said, "Oh? My girlfriend is going to Medical School out there." A light bulb goes off on top of her head (then Jesse went to fix it). "You have a girlfriend? YOU? Well, whatever. But at least you're safe," are the thoughts that bounced around her head. And she talked to me for like an hour. Or what seems like it, because I couldn't get in a word edge-wise (or a zinger for that matter ... UNTIL NOW!) I find this funny, because I'm so dedicated that the thought of another girl actually finding me attractive is amusing and rarely enters my mind (but don't let it stop you).

My thesis? I think once a woman knows you are no longer interested in her, then she becomes interested. Maybe it's a possession thing, one of the many psychic games woman play on each other because we really know its them who rule the world. Or maybe it puts men and women on equal ground because they no longer have to worry that we'll try to get physical with them, but that we can play at their rules. Or maybe because everyone likes to be chased, or chase if not ::yawn:::

Sorry. The lack of oxygen in that argument must've gotten to my brain.

I think if you can find a coherent thread in my theory it would hold a "ton" of weight. Why? Because it was the day I, basically gave up (OR SO IT WOULD SEEM TO THE UNTRAINED EYE) and told Kate that I thought she was this "amazing princess who had no right being interested in a pauper like me so that it would be cool if we could be friends at least," that she leaned in and gave me a kiss (BUT NOTHING ELSE! THAT LITTLE PRUDISH ::smack:: OHHHH!)

So to get a girl, just play it cool and act like you don't care. And then stare at her breasts, but look away really quickly. And then nudge your eyebrows when she smiles slyly at you.

Then wake up. (Is that a better ending sweetheart?)

Some things never change...

We here at "Keep Smiling" face down the toughest creatures on this great Earth to come up with less than stellar photos for you, our non-paying and not quite public audience.

Take for instance, this one, a file photo of the elusive Female, caught in mid-pout. In what is probably a first, we have also caught the horns and mustache full extended and in rare, bright-red form.


Now this photo, captured in the wild by our brave photographer, risking life and limb for the story. This one was taken in 2002. If you look closely, you can see the horns have gotten bigger, and and it's hibernating in it's cocoon. Unfortunately, no more photos were taken that day, due to the camerman barely reaching home with the film in tact. We refrain from making loud noises in his presence; he's just that shocked from that day's events.


No description. Just, if you see these faces, don't make any sudden motions. Just lie still and hope they pass by.

Two tickets to Domino...I'm a bounty hunter

I have a free pass for two people to see a sneak preview of "Domino" this Thursday at 6pm. Who wants it?

Plusses: It has Kira Knieghtly

Minues: It's gonna suck.

I'm Your Biggest Fan

You know who you are.

Things that make you wanna hollar

This just annoys me to no end.

A Cautionary Tale?

Someone tell me there's a good reason why this story isn't getting more play.

From the The New York Times.
Buying of News by Bush's Aides Is Ruled Illegal
By ROBERT PEAR
WASHINGTON, Sept. 30 - Federal auditors said on Friday that the Bush administration violated the law by buying favorable news coverage of President Bush's education policies, by making payments to the conservative commentator Armstrong Williams and by hiring a public relations company to analyze media perceptions of the Republican Party.

In a blistering report, the investigators, from the Government Accountability Office, said the administration had disseminated "covert propaganda" in the United States, in violation of a statutory ban.

The contract with Mr. Williams and the general contours of the public relations campaign had been known for months. The report Friday provided the first definitive ruling on the legality of the activities.

Lawyers from the accountability office, an independent nonpartisan arm of Congress, found that the administration systematically analyzed news articles to see if they carried the message, "The Bush administration/the G.O.P. is committed to education."

The auditors declared: "We see no use for such information except for partisan political purposes. Engaging in a purely political activity such as this is not a proper use of appropriated funds."

The report also sharply criticized the Education Department for telling Ketchum Inc., a public relations company, to pay Mr. Williams for newspaper columns and television appearances praising Mr. Bush's education initiative, the No Child Left Behind Act.

When that arrangement became public, it set off widespread criticism. At a news conference in January, Mr. Bush said: "We will not be paying commentators to advance our agenda. Our agenda ought to be able to stand on its own two feet."

But the Education Department has since defended its payments to Mr. Williams, saying his commentaries were "no more than the legitimate dissemination of information to the public."

The G.A.O. said the Education Department had no money or authority to "procure favorable commentary in violation of the publicity or propaganda prohibition" in federal law.

The ruling comes with no penalty, but under federal law the department is supposed to report the violations to the White House and Congress.

In the course of its work, the accountability office discovered a previously undisclosed instance in which the Education Department had commissioned a newspaper article. The article, on the "declining science literacy of students," was distributed by the North American Precis Syndicate and appeared in numerous small newspapers around the country. Readers were not informed of the government's role in the writing of the article, which praised the department's role in promoting science education.

The auditors denounced a prepackaged television story disseminated by the Education Department. The segment, a "video news release" narrated by a woman named Karen Ryan, said that President Bush's program for providing remedial instruction and tutoring to children "gets an A-plus."

Ms. Ryan also narrated two videos praising the new Medicare drug benefit last year. In those segments, as in the education video, the narrator ended by saying, "In Washington, I'm Karen Ryan reporting."

The television news segments on education and on Medicare did not state that they had been prepared and distributed by the government. The G.A.O. did not say how many stations carried the reports.

The public relations efforts came to light weeks before Margaret Spellings became education secretary in January. Susan Aspey, a spokeswoman for the secretary, said on Friday that Ms. Spellings regarded the efforts as "stupid, wrong and ill-advised." She said Ms. Spellings had taken steps "to ensure these types of missteps don't happen again."

The investigation by the accountability office was requested by Senators Frank R. Lautenberg of New Jersey and Edward M. Kennedy of Massachusetts, both Democrats. Mr. Lautenberg expressed concern about a section of the report in which investigators said they could not find records to confirm that Mr. Williams had performed all the activities for which he billed the government.

The Education Department said it had paid Ketchum $186,000 for services performed by Mr. Williams's company. But it could not provide transcripts of speeches, articles or records of other services invoiced by Mr. Williams, the report said.

In March, the Justice Department's Office of Legal Counsel said that federal agencies did not have to acknowledge their role in producing television news segments if they were factual. The inspector general of the Education Department recently reiterated that position.

But the accountability office said on Friday: "The failure of an agency to identify itself as the source of a prepackaged news story misleads the viewing public by encouraging the audience to believe that the broadcasting news organization developed the information. The prepackaged news stories are purposefully designed to be indistinguishable from news segments broadcast to the public. When the television viewing public does not know that the stories they watched on television news programs about the government were in fact prepared by the government, the stories are, in this sense, no longer purely factual. The essential fact of attribution is missing."

The office said Mr. Williams's work for the government resulted from a written proposal that he submitted to the Education Department in March 2003. The department directed Ketchum to use Mr. Williams as a regular commentator on Mr. Bush's education policies. Ketchum had a federal contract to help publicize those policies, signed by Mr. Bush in 2002.

The Education Department flouted the law by telling Ketchum to use Mr. Williams to "convey a message to the public on behalf of the government, without disclosing to the public that the messengers were acting on the government's behalf and in return for the payment of public funds," the G.A.O. said.

The Education Department spent $38,421 for production and distribution of the video news release and $96,850 for the evaluation of newspaper articles and radio and television programs. Ketchum assigned a score to each article, indicating how often and favorably it mentioned features of the new education law.

Congress tried to clarify the ban on "covert propaganda" in a bill signed by Mr. Bush in May. The law says that no federal money may be used to produce or distribute a news story unless the government's role is openly acknowledged.

Only because I'm in love with my own jokes

I wrote to someone:

"did you know i'm "doing" comedy? well, it's kind of a hush-hush relationship. i come over and then leave the money on the bedroom counter. i keep telling myself that i'm the one she loves, but i should probably start seeing someone else soon."

ba-dum-dum.

Happy or Depressed

My friend is dating an insanely hot woman from one of my favorite bands AND he's writing for a late-night show. I'm happy for him. I want to stay happy for him, but you can understand why I would be slightly jealous/depressed right?

For the record, it's because he's writing for a tv show.

New Content

So I realize that I haven't given you any new content in a while--which means I won't be telling you about Jon's excellent deed, or Frank Rich's NY Times article unless you wont me to--but I think I will tell you two new stories.

I just got NBA Live. If you had a recorder, this is what you would have picked up: "Oh man. Oh. Oh...Ohhhhhhhh! I can't believe it! YESSSSSSSSSS!" It's a fun game.

Here's some "extrapolation" of my email address:

"i assume that your email, specifically the word "townes" is a reference to
the plight of early americans, and their use of vernacular like "towne,"
with an "e," in an attempt to mirror the lives previously held in the old
world, and preserve the security that one could, even when relocating to an
unfamiliar new territory. and, subsequently, a reference to the dual nature
of a society which has branched from an old one; as both a transplanted
"foreign" culture attempting to retain and indeed spread its own ideals, and
yet a fledgling animal in its infancy, with both the potential to improve
upon or perhaps in doing so destroy the ideals previously held in the parent
society. and the "r" in "rtwones@******.com" is obviously a short way of
pronouncing either the word "our" or "are," either of which really works
towards your point, which if i'm correct, and please correct me if i'm
wrong, of implying that plurality that we see. it is both "are," as in this
society in which we currently reside, and the societies in which most of
western civilization resides "are" reflections of this philosophy, and "our"
as you are trying to impress upon your reader that they too own a share of
this, perhaps sad, perhaps promising, perhaps both, situation.

right?

or was i reading into that?"

Very funny. I think.

More Things Found on My Space