Knocking Boots
It's 4pm, and I'm just arriving home from work. The street smells like paint because this summer, the house next to mine is having some work done. As usual, the oldies station is on, and the half-naked guy who looks like an ex-surfer croons to "You Make Me Feel." Not the entire song, just the "YOU MAKE ME FEEL," part over and over again. I stiffle a shuffle and begin to make dinner before a going-away party tonight for a former boss/mentor.
Then I hear it.
SEX!
Not, "Do you love me?" Sex, but real, honest, "WHAT's MY NAME" sex. This girl moaned SO loud, I actually had to turn down the dirty thoughts in my head just to make sure I heard things right--and it wasn't my own internal soundtrack. But the guys next door had to ruin it by screaming, "oh yeah baby! louder, louder," and a few other things.
I rushed outside to see if the animal sound are coming from the college kids next door, but then I see an open window upstairs..the ONLY OPEN WINDOW ON THE BLOCK! Then I rushed upstairs to see if my roommate heard it, but she wasn't there and the sound closed down.
Okay, I didn't rush upstairs immediately. After the carpenters made their comments, I only heard one more loud moan, which sounded like a 747, and the thumping stopped. I went back upstairs, but nothing!
This happened once before and I actually called the gf in the middle of it. She actually could here it over the phone. It was funny, because I didn't have to be by my window to hear it. I was actually smack dab in the middle of the house, and the gf could hear it over the phone. I even turned some, um, "Artistic" web videos on and this was STILL louder...
I think I want that. More the reason to get in shape because I want to have sex so loud and hard that I want the National Geological Center to rerate Massachusetts as an "A" on the Frequency rate for earthquakes. I'm talking, I want China to call me, ask me to fly over and shake up a few oil fields because we all know they are a growing country.
I want to have sex so loud that there is no sound. I want my sonic boom to just suck out all the available....
HOLY SH!T, they're going at it again. I hear "smacking" and someone just said, "OW!"
Should I ring the bell and check up on them? Does anyone have a fiber-optic camera I can snake through the door?
Then I hear it.
SEX!
Not, "Do you love me?" Sex, but real, honest, "WHAT's MY NAME" sex. This girl moaned SO loud, I actually had to turn down the dirty thoughts in my head just to make sure I heard things right--and it wasn't my own internal soundtrack. But the guys next door had to ruin it by screaming, "oh yeah baby! louder, louder," and a few other things.
I rushed outside to see if the animal sound are coming from the college kids next door, but then I see an open window upstairs..the ONLY OPEN WINDOW ON THE BLOCK! Then I rushed upstairs to see if my roommate heard it, but she wasn't there and the sound closed down.
Okay, I didn't rush upstairs immediately. After the carpenters made their comments, I only heard one more loud moan, which sounded like a 747, and the thumping stopped. I went back upstairs, but nothing!
This happened once before and I actually called the gf in the middle of it. She actually could here it over the phone. It was funny, because I didn't have to be by my window to hear it. I was actually smack dab in the middle of the house, and the gf could hear it over the phone. I even turned some, um, "Artistic" web videos on and this was STILL louder...
I think I want that. More the reason to get in shape because I want to have sex so loud and hard that I want the National Geological Center to rerate Massachusetts as an "A" on the Frequency rate for earthquakes. I'm talking, I want China to call me, ask me to fly over and shake up a few oil fields because we all know they are a growing country.
I want to have sex so loud that there is no sound. I want my sonic boom to just suck out all the available....
HOLY SH!T, they're going at it again. I hear "smacking" and someone just said, "OW!"
Should I ring the bell and check up on them? Does anyone have a fiber-optic camera I can snake through the door?
posted by Coolhand at 4:39 PM
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